"Sliding Scale of Couch Justice"

I am faced with what to do with my Sage Green "Ashley" Couch with matching oversized chair and ottoman. But, I don't just want to give the thing away...after all, It was one of the first major purchases we made together and it blessed us greatly over the years. I would love for this couch (and, of course, it's matching oversized chair and ottoman) to find it's way into the hands of someone truly thankful for it. Therefore, I propose the following "sliding scale of couch justice" to ward off any evildoers that might otherwise attempt to use this Sage Green beauty for any purposes other than intended.