Nanny strolls into the Universal House of Uncommons. She walks down the long white marble-floored hallway reading the names on the doors. Each door is different. Not only a different name, but a different shape. The short squat door reads "Interbacterial Marriage Licensure" and the pink triangular door has the word "NEWT" across it, written in Gold. She passes these up promptly because she knows where she is going. She heads straight for the large egg shaped door. She pulls open the handle and swings the door wide. She almost doesn't stop to read the sign on this particular door. It says "Time and Dimension Board of Directors"
"Can I help you?" asked the lamp.
"No, thank you. I'm just here to address the Board"
"Well I'm afraid that's not possible. The Board stopped taking complaints from Earth as soon as the Inquisition started. Any inhabitants of a planet in this Dimension must adhere to certain policies. And the Inquisition went on in direct opposition to these Universal Policies. So I'm sorry, the Board will not see you."
So Nanny unscrewed the light bulb and unplugged the Lamp and walked into the Board Room.
Up til now, Nanny had had a lot of time to think about what she would say to the Board when she finally met them. So now she was standing there, took a deep breath and said "OK, who's in charge of the foot pain? What's the deal with cancer and why do we have to put up with existential angst?! Who approved W and Reagan? Why did John Lennon and MLK get shot? When did we start using war to settle problems and why isn't there enough food to go around. Why can't fundamentalists keep their ideas to themselves and why can't we have proper health care in the US? When are we going to learn that the golden rule applies to other countries and when will people start viewing the Earth as a living thing? And why are you all just sitting around chewing gum???"
A tall drink of water named Gogg got out of his chair and said:
"Ma'am, you've got some good points. First off, we're BORED of Directors. That should explain the gum chewin'. Secondly, we've been waiting for someone like you to come along. We have assembled a crackpot team of Life Study Ambassadors and you, li'l lady, are the last one we've been waiting for. Come and meet the others and we'll get to fixin your problems on that there Earth..."
He guided her down another white marble corridor somewhat smaller than the first one.
As they walked, he explained that he was the Executive Director of the Time and Dimension Coalition (TDC.)His entire reason for existance was to nurture and comfort all living things in the Universe. "It's not an easy task, considering my territory is 'Everywhere, in All Dimensions'"
"I can imagine" said, Nanny (suprisingly refreshed after her journey)
Gogg continued, "My job was going great, Everything was moving along at a harmonious rate. Life was glorious and made sense. And it was Fair. Then two things happened.
1)The Early Christians misread my name on my early transmissions. For hundreds of years now, they have been asking for help from God. Noone there realizes that God is our Minister of Angst and Coincedence. There's the answer to one of your questions.
2)My brother Zogg has found Earth and all the other Life Bearing planets. He's made a mess of things. You can read about his plight in this pamphlet
Just then, they got to a door. Gogg asked her if she was ready and she said yes. He opened the artichoke-shaped door and gestured for her to enter. As she did, she remembered all the talk of meeting up with your loved ones on the other side. She felt a warm rush of satisfaction.
"This is called The Flip-Flop." Gogg explained. "It's a good place."
Nanny looked around the plush lounge. Soft music played. "The music, I don't know it, but it's familiar." she said.
"All good things are familiar" replied One Nation under Gogg.
Nanny sat on a plush couch and felt the cushion support her wieght and sink all at the same time.
"Enjoy" said Gogg, and slipped out the keyhole.
"Wait, I..." Nanny called after him. "Where am i now?" she wondered.
Feeling a bit like Alice in the Rabbit Hole, she looked around. When she looked to her left, there sat Kath.
"Hey Mom." While they hugged, in walked Tom and Grandma Grace. Then Nanny saw her mom and dad and her grandma and grandpa. Martin Luther King Jr. came in with a bottle of wine and said" Let's party!" John and George played guitars and imitated Paul's sellout performance at the Super Bowl. They also wondered if anyone could help Ringo. Gahndi asked if anyone brought food and Johnny Carson just laughed.
Nanny turned around again and there stood Gogg. "Now the Council is complete. You made it. Your son was taking such good care of you, we didn't think you'd ever get here. But now that you're here, the Council can work on fixing the Human Race. You've all got a lot of work to do. But because you're not human anymore, there is no more suffering. You've paid your dues. Well now, I've got to run. George W is doing his part to send me lots of peole in the next four years. See you on the Flip-Flop."