8/23/03

The morning finds me stiff. Muscles aching to to the tune of beef jerky with a little too much dehydration. If the garbage truck had not rumbled with tyrranical force at an ungodly hour, I might have gotten a few more minutes of sleep. But not sleep like you know it. It would have been sleep at a superficial level. Sleep like when you shake a pill. Sleep which relies on skipping the waking life and sleep bound by dental floss. A fragile state of mind which is peaceful. A peace that is only attained when reality is put on the shelf. You can see the shelf and it's contents from here. You just don't feel like entertaining that particular visitor. A time when walking on water is preferred. For a while you are allowed to see what you want, feel how you feel. The colors are only visible in this state. After waking, I often try to see the colors again. Try as I might, I have come to realize it's impossible.
I think of the Scorpio in my life. She is a fire burning from an ancient log. Her flame releases the truth to the world and doesn't pull any punches. Her reality is most like this rainbow half waking dream state and it draws me close. So close, I feel intimidated by her energy but realize I cannot live without it.

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